Following my last blog I think the best description of everyday life at present is ‘Questions’!

It seems that whichever way I turn in our activities that I face a new set of Questions. Indeed, the last blog was surprisingly rich in raising questions.

The perennial question is the extent to which I place my dependency upon God and God’s call. I know the theory; I know traditional Christian teaching; and yes I know the scripture. However, I wobble constantly – even many times in the one day.

Now, nothing wrong with wobbling apart from the fact that it’s exhausting and at times emotionally stressful. So a question I find popping into my mind is, ‘Why am I always so tired?’. I get to bed reasonable times, the more so as I have so few responsibilities these days that it would be hard to have any excuse to work late. I sleep, wake early and feel like I haven’t slept. Then during the day if I sit down I quickly fall asleep in the chair.

Then there’s the question, is praying, reading and writing a realistic and responsible way of living the life of faith? I might look for a job, although many rejections over the last four years tells its own story. And of course my recent redundancy does nothing to affirm my sense of self belief in any raw abilities I possess to bring to anyone’s table. This provokes another question, ‘Is my tiredness a symptom ob being bored?’ That is I am not getting up to do anything especially taxing.

And then of course is this Christian behaviour at all – for there must be a complex myriad of descriptions of what a Christian is and is not. Still if an adulterer and murderer enjoys God’s description as a man after God’s own heart, I cling to a large measure of faith in my faith.

And so it goes on. The overarching question, ‘Why all these questions?’, since they lower my ebullient self to the shadow of who I remember myself to be!

Driving around Chidham today looking for access to the harbour we constantly found road closed signs accompanied by diversions. These only ever led us away from our intended destination. Is that a metaphor, a parable or God affirming my questioning life?

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